


Wrymgeard

by Stranded_In_The_Cosmos



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley is Bad at Being a Demon (Good Omens), Crowley is in denial, Crowley is the snake guardian, Guardian of the snakes, M/M, No beta we fall like Crowley, There isn't anything bad about this that needs tagging I think, snake abusers quiver before him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23832262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stranded_In_The_Cosmos/pseuds/Stranded_In_The_Cosmos
Summary: Wrymgeard: A enclosure for snakes.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 92





	Wrymgeard

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post about an old English word, Wrymgeard!! Hope you enjoy!!

Crowley was not made to be a guardian, as Aziraphale was. He was built to create, stars, planets, galaxies, serpents of the ground and the sea, he created them all. While he loved his creations dearly, he had trusted the guardians to, well, guard them. But that was a long time ago.

-

It started just after the first rain and the fall of Eden.

Crawley, at the time, was walking the wet sands outside Eden. He hadn’t expected to see any snakes, for he had already searched the hollow and grassy remains of Eden. Empty of his creation, another punishment he thought, the only one like them left, and a sick perversion of it as well.

He almost stepped on the wriggling thing when he came across it.

A sand boa, not Arabian yet, because Arabia did not exist yet. It thrashed in the soaked sand, trying to get out onto the surface and failing miserably. Between his surprise of finally seeing his creation in the world, he thought of the irony of a sand boa being stuck in the sand.

Crawley knelt onto the ground beside the still squirming snake. “Hey,” His words were not actually words, they were hissing noises that only snakes would understand, they could be words if translated properly though. “Hey, ssstop sssstruggling for a minute, you’re making it worsssse,”

The boa stopped and looked up at him, and when Crawley’s tongue flicked out to taste the air, hopelessness and frustration and fear coated it.

“There, now calm down,” Crawley looked around, checking to see if anyone was watching. “I’ll help you out. Just promisssse not to tell anyone, got it?”

The boa looked at him blankly, not understanding the redhead.

“Good,” Crawley dug his hands into the sand, and pulled up a mound of wet sand with a snake in the middle. He blew on the sand and it disappeared into the ether.

“There, better?” Crawley asked.

The boa flicked his tongue out, tapping Crawley’s thumb with the tip. He took that as a yes.

“Alright, you can go on your way. Jussst don’t try to dig yourssself in again until the sssand hasss dried, got it?” Crawley hissed.

The boa didn’t seem to hear him or at least pay attention to him, slither up a slender arm and coiling around Crawley’s neck, like a scaly choker.

“I sssaid you can go on your way,” Crawley hissed.

The sand boa hissed back, a very clear no.

“I’m not warm, you sssshould go find sssome angel to take pity on you if you’re that cold,” Crawley sighed in a hiss.

The boa hissed another no and coiled tighter.

“Fine,” Crawley relented. “You can ssstay, but if you tell anyone I will make a ssscarf out of you,”

The boa hissed happily and flicked his tongue brushing Crowley’s neck.

“Don’t. Do. That,” Crowley pressed down a burst of laughter and walked on.

He would look like a demonic Christmas tree with snake garland by the time the sun had set on the new world.

-

It became a pattern.

When no one was looking, not even Aziraphale, Crowley would help the serpents. Catching food for the starving, and making homes for those who got displaced by the growing human populations.

It was not good; he would insist if anyone asked. It was complete evil, helping symbols of demons and the devil, of sin and wrong. It was wrong to let these creatures live, because humans would bring them harm, thereby causing sin. It was pure evil.

-

Crowley does not remember when humans began keeping snakes in their homes like the dogs they had bred. But he does remember the first time he saw such a case.

It was a nobleman’s home, 19th century, 1805 to be specific. Crowley had been assigned to tempt the man into causing a famine by refusing to send his food stock to a city on the other side of Europe. Of course, Crowley expected, maybe even counted on, a miraculous save on the other end. But no one could blame him for the actions of a miracle-trigger happy angel, could they?

“Nice place you’ve got Lord Lauren,” Crowley commented, it was not all that nice, at least to him. Too much white and gold, too bright and cold as well, even for the night. It reminded him of Heaven just before everything went to shit.

“Please, Anthony, just Lauren,” The lord insisted, picking up a glass bottle of amber liquid. “Whiskey?”

“Hm,” Crowley forced a smile.

“I must thank you for your advice Anthony, I had a very strong feeling it would only be a loss to help those buggers,” Lauren handed Crowley a glass of whiskey. “A toast to you my friend,”

“And to you Lord Lauren,” Crowley toasted and threw back his whiskey. He knew more would be needed if he had to spend the whole night with this bastard.

“Still just Lauren, Anthony,” Lauren laughed.

Crowley just smiled.

-

A few glasses of whiskey later, Crowley was following Lord Lauren through his uncomfortably bright house. He was incredibly bored it was the same four rooms on repeat for an unusually large mansion.

“This, Anthony,” Lauren stopped and said suddenly, excitement sparking across his voice, turning on Crowley’s half-shut down brain. “This, is my pride and joy,” He opened the door.

Crowley shivered as the even colder air hit and clung to him. The room was bright, painfully bright, even with sunglasses, there was the smell of something rotting and the few wilting flowering houseplants did nothing to help it.

As the demon’s eyes adjusted to the room, he saw something long and deep brown slink by the furthest wall. A loud hissing was heard as well.

“Is that a snake?” Crowley asked, hoping to someone that he was wrong.

“Darn right, the only one in London. No one else has been able to get one, but I’ve got connections you know,” Lauren bloody smirked, the man was proud of himself.

“It’s far too cold in London to be keeping a snake!” Crowley exclaimed.

“Ah, but I’ve raised this one, used to the chill,” Lauren said, as if he knew the first thing about snakes. “Godiva’s a feisty one let me tell you, almost got Greta when she was feeding her,”

Crowley stared at the man for a moment, just awestruck by the idiocy and nerve of the man.

“Well,” Crowley began once he found his voice. “It is very impressive. And if I’m not being presumptive, it costs a fortune to feed, right?”

Lauren nodded.

“Well, it’d be a fine gain for you to sell, and I happen to be in the market for such a snake. I could pay you finely,” Crowley used just a bit of tempting power to sway Lauren.

“I do like my dear Godiva,” Lauren sighed.

“Your loss, I would have paid a million pounds upfront for such a snake-“

Lauren cut Crowley off. “Well don’t be so hasty my friend, a million pounds you say?”

Crowley nodded.

“Well, I can hardly say no to that,” Lauren smiled. “I’ll get a cage,”

“No need,” Crowley produced a million pound notes from the ether and handed them to Lauren. He walked over to the snake, taking care not to step on the rotting rat corpses that produced the awful smell.

“Hey there,” Crowley hissed softly, kneeling in front of the emaciated python. “Don’t be frightened. My name’sss Crowley, and you must be Godiva,”

The python hissed in agreement.

“Yeah, well, you’re in luck old-“ Crowley stopped himself, the snake was only a few years old, probably the only reason that it wasn’t dead. “Young girl, I’m getting you out of here,”

Godiva hissed cautiously.

“I know, why would I do that?” Crowley hissed. “Well, here’sss why,” He shifted into a snake, this time the size of an adult python. “Sssee? Why would I want to hurt you if I’m pretty much you?”

Godiva hissed nervously but approached carefully to the once again human Crowley.

“There we go,” Crowley let the snake wrap around his arm and anchor herself around his neck. “Let’sss get going, ssshall we?”

Crowley left the manor without a word to Lord Lauren. Godiva would live a wonderful life with Crowley, seeing as she couldn’t be put back into her home.

-

Aziraphale walked up to Crowley’s flat, stepping in without knocking. It had become a habit after the Not-Apocalypse. Both were welcome into each other’s spaces unless otherwise specified, and that was an exceedingly rare scenario.

He didn’t see Crowley in the plant room, so he walked into the throne room, guessing to see the demon sitting at his desk, feet on it as he knew Aziraphale hated. Though he’d look awfully wonderful in just his gray shirt and jeans without his sunglasses.

That was not what he saw when he walked in.

No, instead he saw Crowley, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and glasses missing. That wasn’t the odd part. It was the rather large python in his arms, twenty feet if Aziraphale were to take a guess, besides that a few other snakes, smaller though, wrapped around the rest of Crowley’s body, or sat in the darkened corners of the room.

“Oi, keep your fangsss to yourself Othello,” Crowley hissed at the snake who had bitten into his leg. “You’re looking much better Ophelia, burnsss are almost gone,” He said to the sand-colored python in his arms.

Crowley set the snake in his arms, Ophelia Aziraphale guessed, onto the ground, letting them slither away into a darkened corner.

He turned in Aziraphale’s direction, planning to call another snake over when he saw Aziraphale.

“Aziraphale!” Crowley yelped, jumping back. The snake on his leg, presumably Othello, quickly abandoned the demon’s leg. “What in the fucking Heavens are you doing here?”

“You invited me over dear,” Aziraphale answered, he began to ask why there were snakes everywhere but Crowley spoke again first:

“You’re thirty minutes early angel!” Crowley exclaimed; a bright blush suddenly flooded his cheeks. “This, this, this, this isn’t what it looks like angel,”

“Would you mind telling me what this is then?” Aziraphale asked.

“Um, well, it’s, uh, nothing,” Crowley stammered.

“Nothing?” Aziraphale asked. “This looks a like more than nothing,”

“Well, it’ssss not what you’re thinking,” Crowley hissed, looking away.

“Crowley, dear,” Aziraphale approached the demon and cupped his cheeks, making him look at the angel. “I can’t guess what else this is, if not a wrymgeard,”

“It’s _not_ ,” Crowley protested.

“You know, it doesn’t matter to me,” Aziraphale smiled. “I think it’s wonderful, caring for these poor things. They love you so much,”

“It’s _not_ ,” Crowley frowned. “It’s a horrible place for symbols of evil to be cared for, and they don’t love me. I just give them food and don’t hurt them like their other owners,”

“Of course, dear,” Aziraphale smiled. “I’d just like to know where you put them when I was here, I didn’t see them. Of course, I was a bit distracted,” He smirked, and blush tinted his cheeks.

“The kitchen,” Crowley answered.

“Well, I wouldn’t have minded them, you know,” Aziraphale kissed Crowley, just to feel his lips.

“If you’d seen them you would’ve done what you’re doing now, telling me it’s all nice when it’s very evil,” Crowley pouted.

“Well, it is very nice dear,” Aziraphale kissed Crowley again. “How long have you been doing this?”

“1805,” Crowley mumbled.

“Oh! That is such a long time dear, I wish I would have known, I would have cared for them while you were sleeping,”

“I didn’t have any snakes when I slept,” Crowley said.

“That’s very good my dear,” Aziraphale kissed Crowley again. “Now, let’s go to the Ritz shall we?”

“Yeah,” Crowley mumbled, unwrapping a snake from his neck, which had begun to travel to Aziraphale. “Let me just finish taking care of these guys, yeah?”

“Of course, my dear,” Aziraphale smiled as the snake began wrapping around his leg.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please leave a comment is you can, they make my day!!


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